Dear President Obama, Speaker of the House Pelosi, Senator Reid, et al,
I want to thank all of you. I personally have been rather upset with the direction of the United States for many years now. It has not been going downhill nearly fast enough.
While the Republicans were quietly and slowly ruining the country, you are loudly and quickly bringing the country to its' inevitable end. Thanks to your gross stupidity and arrogance, this country is rocketing to disintegration.
In keeping with my support for your direction for the country, I would like to make a few suggestions:
1. Please pass universal health care! And try to be as arrogant about it as possible. Calling the opposition "un-American" was a nice touch, but you really need to do more in this regard.
Most of these people speaking out against health care are just concerned individuals, so you really need to do more to stigmatize and alienate them. Frankly, the partisan divide in this country isn't nearly big enough. If you can work this angle harder, you can really make the divide grow. Then when you pass health care, these people will be spitting mad at you.
By the way, all those years you guys spent calling Republicans "Nazis"? Brilliant! You have so stigmatized the accusation, you can get away with all the fascism you like, and no one can say anything without looking like, well...you.
Also, with universal health care in place, you can give people even more reason to hate you, with long doctor waits for treatment, as well as high costs. If you can promise the moon on health care, charge an obscene premium for it, then make people wait for months to get the health care they need, you will totally rule, because they will need you to fix the system YOU broke! The fact you will have broken it for the second time is just an added piece of delicious irony.
2. More spending! The bailouts were good, but not enough. Sure, you are looking at hyperinflation for the next few years, but if you can pile it on some, think of all the good that could come?
First, you would ruin China's economy. At least you won't have to worry about them for awhile, as all the debt they already financed becomes as worthless as Confederate dollars.
Second, the American economy will be dead! Fortunately, your buddies in the banking industry will still be running, since all the new money will go to them first, and you will need them. If you have to pay $1,000 for a tank of gas, those debit cards will come in handy.
Third, and this is the important part for you, the welfare state will be in full bloom, since few people will have, or be able to get, a job!
3. More taxing! What is taking you so long with the cap and trade tax? If you wait too long, the effects of the increased energy costs will be felt by the consumer during an election year. Then they will just vote you out and replace you with someone who will end the tax.
While you are at it, we need more income taxes! Do you realize there are still people out there spending their own hard-earned money. THIS HAS TO STOP!
Think about it: As long as people can make money from working, what incentive do they have to be slothful? Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate the way you have used the "greed" angle to get people to support your ideas. Now use it to get their support for higher taxes.
4. Keep the wars going! More death and destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the peaceniks can't complain, because they ALL voted for you! That is why pride is a sin: They hate being considered a hypocrite MORE than they hate war! People dying just so someone doesn't get called a hypocrite. Gotta love it!
Anyway, keep up the good work folks. And when the United States is gone, just know that I have a nice warm spot waiting for you at my place.
P.S. Nixon says he's jealous.